Terry-orisms

This is a list of quotes that one of Terry's students has been collecting over the course of several semesters. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt and tears were streaming down my face when I read these :-)

"My dad teaches here at EMU. When he croaks, shortly, I will not inherit his salary from EMU, but I can inherit his house."
"If I got fired tomorrow…for being gay…"
"I like to rant about television…I watch it…a lot…during football season".
"If you work at Wal-Mart, you probably like bowling and smoke a lot"
"Chippendale…again, I'm not sure…I thought those were like male dancers"
"I haven't really thought of retirement…I don't really plan to die"
"Shelly- You always look like you have a question"
"If you want to help a child who is whack, you need a licensure…Whack is a non-technical term, but you know what I mean"
"I shouldn't think about money - it just makes me bitter"
"What do you think of when you think of John Kerry?...Besides LOSER"
"Why can't we all sit together? Kum-Bay-Yah"
"I have no power over you?...Not only am I bigger, faster, stronger, better at abstract thought…that's what I always tell my wife"
"I'm not accusing you per se"
"Have you guys ever played paper, scissors, rock?...It's rock, paper, scissors…sometimes I get confused and go like that - you shouldn't do that"
"I played Snood for two hours because I was supposed to be grading papers"
"Being gay sucks…I mean, being gay could be fine…"
"Your hat is Calvin Klein, is that intentional? CK is like underwear…it's like wearing underwear on your head"
"Leonardo DiCaprio was in a movie recently, unfortunately, he wasn't killed in it"
"They had different opinions when it came to hoeing"
"The poor people I know…not that I know a lot of them - I try not to hang around them - they always ask for money…"
"If it was a competition, you'd all be dead because I would have killed you all by now"
"Cuz it's not that sexy to talk about petitions and committee meetings"
"You can't just say 'God told me', well you can, but you'll get a bad grade"
"Leonard DeCaprio is on my mind- the Titanic is a good story for this because he actually dies in it"
"I took three different dates to see it at three different times - that was before I was married - Leonardo dies in it so it's a good movie"
"The worst thing to do to a child or a dog is to put it in a bag and throw it in a river, but the second worst thing is…"
"You know there are poor people in Harrisonburg, but you don't go wandering around in some skanky neighborhood like Park View"
"Who's going to say they are against marriage - unless they're married - and I'm not gonna go there"
"Bolivia is this skanky little dot right here"
"My wife put this together and that's her right back there with the ugly glasses"
"This is the last class period before…the next class period"
Jeff: "I brought tea"
Terry: "Oh, I didn't know you were British"
"Standard sweater, slacks…I hate sweaters, but that's probably off topic"
"I'm sure he's a nice guy - he's just caught in a sinful situation"
"The communities are all the same - they're occupied by short people with hats on"